"The Notebook" A Bittersweet Tale

Friends,

Have you ever watched a movie and saw pieces of your life flash before your eyes? I'm not talking about one scene in a movie that mirrors a moment in time, but nearly an entire film (from the character's lines to their subtle actions and reactions). I thought for sure that when I watched "Love and basketball," that there would be no other movie that would come closer to running parallel to my life, but then came the "The Notebook." If you have never seen this movie, it is the tale of a rocky romance between two love struck youngsters whose opposite backgrounds attempts to foretell their futures. As for financial stability, she has it and he does not. As for heart, he has more than enough to give. Together, they feel invisible to everyone but each other.Unfortunately, the world's eyes bare down on them to the point that they adhere to other's perceptions. Consequently, cracks form in their relationship and begin to widen. Eventually, they are pulled apart and go their separate ways. Yet, neither person ever loses hope in their love, regardless of the relationships they hold after. Sure, when the two were together, they fought verbally quite often, but respectfully, with the reason that they weren't afraid to offend each other. They were convinced that their love could handle the honesty, the push to be better, and closer. They loved hard, since they didn't believe in holding a thing back. Their passion was undeniable and amazing.

So friends, can you believe I just watched this movie for the second time, and for the first time the tears began to roll? As for the first time, an Ex-boyfriend had actually called me up and suggested that I watch the film. He swore that the main characters were "He and I," and just the fact that he was calling me after all those years to talk about some movie that flashed "us" in good light enraged me. Of course, I pretended over the phone to be cool. I agreed to watch the movie. But with anger in my eyes, I couldn't see a thing. I missed "he and I" on that screen the first time around. I laugh now at the humor in it all. Like the movie, the lovers reach out for one another. They longed for the other's touch, embrace, and kiss. "It's not over," they breathed into the other's life. As for my reality, when my ex called me on the phone, I yearned to breathe the same words into his life. "It's not over," I wanted to say again and again. Instead, I focused on the fact that he was my ex for a reason. I then allowed my pride and stubbornness to swallow those three little words. Frankly, I must say, it was the most bitter-sweet meal that I've ever tasted.

Settling for Anything or Anyone is Suicide

Dear friends,

I recently logged into a blogging station and read a message that discussed a woman's fight not to be mediocre and settle for the easy things in life. The message went on to flash a light on "settling" in general, and how disgusting it can make a person later feel. It was then that I thought about the many ways people settle, whether it is settling in their job, in their relationships, or with their weight. I contemplated on how unhappy even the so-called happiest person who has settled appears as time go on.

Do you ever wonder why this is? Let's first examine the word, "settle." I won't go as far as to tell you Webster's definition (because we all know it). However, I've come to the realization that "to settle," means a few different things to different people.

As for the present tense of the word, I consider it poison. No surprise that I've heard others compare it to heavenly bliss. For instance, I often hear women- who manage to keep perfect time of their maternal alarm clocks- whisper, "I can't wait to settle." They often tell me this with a big grin on their faces. It is then that I picture their lack of movement, their lack of progress, and their stillness in a world that is steady moving on without them.

This picture of mine transcends across the board: women, men, children, middle age, teenager or infants. The gender, race and age, makes no difference to me. To settle voluntarily, I consider to simply be a stupid notion that is virtually impossible. For even if a person stands in one spot and refuses to move forward, he/she will find his/herself drifting backwards, for the world continues moving on. Other folk are steady climbing, sliding and progressing, which definitely affects the person's position in life. Therefore, settling is not really settling, is it?

I can take into consideration that by settling a person means, kicking off the wheels and getting so comfortable with his/her surroundings that he/she no longer feels the need to look over the shoulders or press forward. Still I think, "Boy, that is truly stupid." You see, even if a person decides to settle into a situation, perhaps a job or relationship, progress is still demanded. Not one still thing thrives. Life is designed to grow, to expand, or even shrivel up into the palm of your hands. However, settle, life cannot do.

Just look at nature, even the earth doesn't settle. It cracks, rumbles, and shakes with force. The sky doesn't settle and, in reality, neither does the volcanoes, mountains, and oceans. Trees stretch to the heavens, with branches that sway in the wind. Then there are human beings who are molded by the Potter to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually, in order to survive. It is true. Just picture those people (one of which maybe you) who have completely settled in their relationships. They feel so secure in their place and so comfortable with where they stand, that they do not feel the urge to surge to new heights. Instead, they feel certain that their mate is completely satisfied being with them, and so self-improvement isn't needed. "I'm going to settle right here, in this place, in this job with this wage, with my good and bad habits," they say. "Look for me in 10 years, I'll be right here because this is the place to be."

Five years later, their mate has filed for divorce since they have outlawed the possibility of upward mobility with their settlement. Meanwhile, the price of living and financial stress has increased and that comfortable job, that they had vowed to settle in forever, has been handed over to someone younger with a little more education.

Now, do you catch my drift? Can you comprehend, now, why the mere talk of settlement irritates my ears? Even the echoes of such talk rings bells in my head. Frankly, I try to laugh it off. I try to pretend, when I look at those who claim they have happily settled that I don't consider them the dumbest people on earth. I try to hide the fact that, in my mind, settling is a choice of the weak or that it represents the lazy; those who are afraid to compete, or simply souls that will soon be filled with regret.

Be content, I say, but never settle. In the workplace, with your lover, with your friends; never settle. When it comes to your mind, body and soul, push to be better. Love where you are, according to its place in time. However, tomorrow you must move closer and stretch higher. Again, I say, don't settle... but rather thrive to be more.